Back to Basic

Kindergarten - went to a far far away school, late everyday, met with this teacher's kid who's very naughty, got picked up by grandparents from dad's side everyday, moved to a closer school, meet up with this really flirty guy on the first day (kindergarten? seriously??? Ckckckck...)

Elementary - Not much I remember except for playing kids games every single day, buying kids magazines and "pets" that always either died or ran away, buying food outside the school compound, "stalking" a popular kid till his house (errr.. my friends dragged me into it. don't get me wrong. i'm not a stalker. lol.), walking back home with a friend without letting parents know, freaking them out, bonding and fighting with parents about friends, separating with friends

Junior high - Moved to a new school, unwillingly. Met new friends, went for study trip to UK

Senior high - had a blast with friends (as always), a series of "Sweet 17s", studying had, playing hard.... Choosing uni, Separations with friends...

University - meet new friends, make new best friends, studying hard, partying hard, living independently, dramas, ups and downs... aspirations, dreams, hopes, uncertainties about the future, graduations... Separations again...

1 Year Hiatus in Jakarta - seriously, I don't really know what I did... Traveling with family? "Helping" out for a bit... Being a great CEO (Chief Expenditure Officer)

China - New friends, new place, new culture, new language, new.... New... Adjustments, survival, bondings, traveling, partying, experiencing life outside of our "normal" life.... Having a blast... Separations with lots of friends... =(

Indo - short trips, road trips.... Unforgettable Lawang Sewu... Merapi.. Solo... Yogya... Bandung....

Thailand - Short get away before Citi

Indo - Working my a** off... Adjusting with new cultures, new people, colleague, creating new connections, generating new experiences, work hard, party harder... New /old friends all together... Priorities... Future... Relationships...

Hummm... My life in a glimpse... Omitting lots and lots of travelings....

Looking back at the pictures... Realized I missed out a lot. On people who I don't really keep in touch with. Realized I'm always sticking to 1 group of people... Always hanging out together with the same people every single day. It was really fun, and really sad to have to move on.... But every time we do, we actually found new pathways that crosses with ours... New memories and a new friend with different background. Interesting.

There are some occasions where I meet new people for the briefest of time. Some I wished would stay to be friends, some... Well... Nothing much we can do about. Haha.

Well, I'm glad, the friends that stayed in my life are all the friends that mattered. =D

Interesting vid, catchy tunes...

Wished I didn't know the meaning of the lyrics tho. Lol.

Slept, ate, shopped, poop, massaged, more shops...

Ahhh...

That's the life mate...

I think too much and too little at the same time.

I am confused...

I always envy those with personality,
those with visions,
those who knew for sure what they want, even if it's only for temporary.

I envy those who can held their head up high and walk forward with confidence and certainty.
Who are not fearless but had the courage to face what's ahead

I... Envy.... Those beautiful and strong people, women.
Who are empowering others through their words and actions.
Through their weaknesses and struggles...

I envy...

I am one complicated being.
Confused... and tricky. Mean yet trying to be compassionate. (Lol)
I am but being tossed around in the waves of the oceans... Neither here nor there....

Yet, I am unique and one of a kind.
Beautiful in my own way I guess? Or at least I would love to think that.
(See... I am confused... I hate me yet I would love to think I am beautiful. Lol.)

Sometimes I think I am wearing a mask, living a life that is not me.
Yet what is me?

I am a wreck. I am a mess.

Yet sometimes we found diamonds inside the tangle of mess.

I am waiting... Looking.. For that diamond.

Maybe I have found it but it hasn't looked beautiful yet because it hasn't been shaped?
Maybe I haven't found it at all?
We'll see...

10 years, 20 years, 30 years....

Will that diamond ever shine?

He is awesome! In more than ways than one.

He opened up ways when I was stuck and down and helpless.
He gives me treats even when I don't ask for it.
When I don't even dare thinking about it.
He celebrates when I feel like there's nothing to celebrate, just to please me.
Just to tell me, I'm here... I haven't forgotten about you... And I hope you haven't forgotten about me too.
Remember this? It's our sign together. It's our memories together. It's our symbol.
Just like the rainbow is to Noah....
And where would I be without Him?

Truly, He is majestic!
And my life is filled with abundance of blessings.
Loving, caring, tender, romanticists... Him...

It's like I'm being "bribed", no, that's not the word....
What is the word I'm looking for?

Loved... There is no other way to describe it.

I wish.... There is a guy like Him for me out there...
Tho it's kind of impossible. Haha. Coz there is only one Him in the whole world.
And yet He is everyone's.
And He is everywhere... Anywhere...

He is a lover to all.... With plenty to share...
Too much to contain...
That there is no room for jealousy... Or is there?

Forgive my rambling.

Work has been hectic.
And I haven't had time for myself at all lately.
Now that I finally got one.
I am overflowed and awed, without even realizing it.
It just came flooding.
Flooding...

I'm flooded.

What does it mean if u thought u see someone and u goes "dheg!"?

Dalam rembulan, dalam cah'ya mentari
Di gelap badai dan indahnya pelangi
Dalam tangisan dan wajah berseri
Kan kutemukan kasih terbesar bagi dunia ini

Diam, kuterpaku dan ku takjub
Akan kasihMu yang tergores indah
Dalam anug'rah, hatiku milikMu
Indah, kuterkagum dan kubawakan hidupku
Kau membuat hatiku menjadi baru
Bahagiaku mengenalMu

Again, I am faced with reality, reality of me being a coward.

I am not as brave as I thought. And I always try to find the easy way out, without considering the consequences.
In the end, I am the one who regrets. Regret of the possibility of hurting other people and their trusts.
Regret of not taking the time to calm down, to be overwhelmed by the situation instead of controlling it.
To let Him be in control...

I found this stage of life is the hardest so far. Not because of other people, but because of myself.
To be face to face with your own weakness, to be responsible, to hold yourself accountable.
It is hard. It is hard...

I have learnt not to blame other people. But I still want to run away. And the worry is troublesome. It's crushing me.
Sometimes I feel like I am alone, doing everything alone, despite of many many many support surrounding me.
People who says to me, I'm not alone That they're there to help me, to support me.
And I feel useless because I feel like I failed them. I may not know what they expect from me, what they see.
But I feel like I should have done things better, should be able to use time more wisely, efficiently.
Should be in control.

But there's that balance that I have to find. I've been going from one end to the other end.
Ever clueless of where is the real balance that I should be at.

Well, again... I shout to the Lord. Help me! Guide me! I need You! I need You!
And again, without fail, He brings me peace. But I keep on worrying, for I am a coward still.
It is at this moment I remember Jesus rebukes "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"
And again I am being reminded. This stage is hard, not because I am held accountable by men, but in front of God.
In front of God... I have failed. That's the hardest of them all. The hardest to bear...
To know that I failed You. Big times...

But He is kind. Ever merciful. He is the one who has been leading me. And He is showing me the way.
At this moment, it is my time to find my meaning in life, to find my purpose, my calling, to ask for my part.
To be readied for it.

Even though it is hard, but He is opening the ways for me. And I will march forward. Yes, I will...
I am scared still but the peace of the Lord will guard my mind and heart. As He has promised...

Yes, I will hold on to His promises. I will cling on it for my life. For You are my strength, my one and only.

Lord, in You i put all my hope. In You.... I will rely on. In You, I know everything will be perfect, just the way You want it.
And it will be for me.... And I will look forward to it. I am looking forward to it. The process is painful but I will see Your glory shines at the end of this race. And the pain will be nothing...

Thank You Lord.
When I am weak, You make me strong(er).

01. You're cute!
02. You're pretty!
03. You're like a Korean (?) - I'm assuming this a good thing coz Korean people are famous for their beauties right? Lol.
04. You're lika a Japanese doll
05. Dia cewe banget ya?
06. You're like Yuna (as in the chara from FFX - I know... So otaku! Lol.)
07. You're funny!
08. You're so innocent.
09. You have a baby face.
10. You've changed so much! (In a better way... Tho unsure what way. Lol.)
11. You look so much like your mom.
12. You have a "golden" hand (or something of that sort)
13. You have nice handwritings.
14. You smell nice.
15. You're so kind.

Well.... Which one do you think is the weirdest? Lol.
And which one you would like to receive?

If you are to give compliments, which one you'll say the most?

This is my moment.

Others have been trained and burnt.

Now this is my turn.

And I will not yield.

It is painful but I will not give up nor run away.

Yes. I will stand still and be proved!

That I am indeed the chosen beloved.

How great would it be... If when I look at "my boyfriend's" face and I remember You instead.
How awesome would it be... If when I'm with "him", I desire You even more...

I think I'm screwed....

Don't you think I'm screwed?

Falling deeper and deeper in love. Longing for more... Aching for more...

Longing to see You face to face...



(Reading at it again, I feel like I'm planning to "cheat" on my future boyfriend. If I ever get one. Lol.)

It's hard to stand on shifting sand
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night
You can't be free if you don't reach for help
And you can't love if you don't love yourself
But there is hope when my faith runs out
Coz I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
And so take this heart of mine, there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

I am strong all because of You
I'll stand in awe of every mountain that You moved
For I am changed, yesterday is gone
I am saved from this moment on

There's no fear when the night comes round
I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
And so take this heart of mine, there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying but my feet are on the ground
It's like the world is silent though I know it isn't true
It's like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room

And so take this heart of mine, there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

I start my job at April 11. First week was totally nothing.
April 18, I got my first real project. First week of that project is spent by reading agreements and getting to know their products while waiting for them to find me a desk and a PC to work on.
By April 25, I was making chart flows of the sales process of their current IOM and by the end of that week, I left the first part and work on the second "urgent" part.
By May 2, I was running around buildings for stupid trainings and looking for people (damn... If they didn't force me to take the trainings, It'd have been much much much better.)
By May 9, I'm already underway of planning, proposing (rejected) and doing the whole thing for product launching that were supposed to be due on May 15th.
By Today (May 13th), I have given up and proposed a two weeks time extensions while going crazy with the preparations.

By Monday (May 15th). Probably I will be killed by my other supervisors because I can't fulfill her datelines.
Oh and not to mention that everything might fail.

On a cooler notes, in one week and a lil bit of a half, I worked my ass off and managed to start preparation for product launching that should be launched in two weeks time. Meaning it took me a almost a month to launch a product.

Is that a good one? How come I get the feeling that my supervisor (the other supervisor that I haven't work with closely) is not too happy on me. -_- Damn....

Lord, the next two weeks.... I think it will all be Your miracles only. Much like the previous month actually.

Oh gosh... I'm going crazy....


Well... I survived so far....

Lord, gimme the strength to keep on running....

Objective:
- To launch sales on Monday next week

Time left:
- 4 days (excluding weekends: 1 day)

Needed:
- Trained sales
- System to enroll
- System to process enrollment
- Data format

Completed:
- None

Time needed to develop:
- 7 days
- 8 days
- 14 days
- 2 days

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comment: I love my job.




(U think?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aren't we glad that there's nothing impossible for our God?

Tho I'd really need miracles for the above to happen. Hah! Yeah... Weeeeeeeee.......!

I believe He'll open up ways even though it won't be easy. And I'm willing to go for it.
With His guidance and strength and wisdom...

I am weak, yet I am strong! I'll never give up! Fightinnnngggg!!!!!
Nothing is impossible! Yosh!

Very eventful.... Was first time spending the whole day at another building. Meeting up and chat with a lot of interesting people, getting stressed out because have to meet with people with unclear concept of questions that I have to ask. Making flow charts of the end-to-end process, making system's layout, asking for authorization, being yelled at, overcoming the situations. From very stressing because feeling so unproductive because have to be in a different building doing stuffs that I felt unimportant. To feeling very stressed because there is soo much to do with soo little time. It's been a very interesting week so far.

The one thing I'm regretting is probably my way of handling stuffs. My "I-don't-want-to-get-into-anyone's-bad-side" personality and so my "running-away-without-solving-the-problem". Sigh. After I think about it, I think I said the wrong thing. Because I don't understand my position better. I should not have done that. I should have done this.

But what's done, is done. I'm learning to learn my position, to use whatever I have in hand to achieve my mission. (Yeah! It's my project! And I'm being given the power to handle it. So need to use it, can't really be a "peace-maker" can I? It's actually generating problem for some other people. Lol.)

Ah well... But yeah... Prolly this is the most interesting week so far, coz I got to implement what I learnt so far - though still have a lot more to learn...

Still thanking God every single day for His amazing encouragements. =) Surely nothing is 'accidental' for Him. Hahaha.

Off for now.

When I was unemployed:
- I love the friends that I met back in (both) Unis
- I love the simple life style outside of Indonesia
- I love the independence and carefree way of life
- I love struggling everyday with new language
- I love hanging out with my friends (when they're around. Lol.)
- I love staying by myself and having time for myself
- I love waking up late (when possible)
- I love going out with my parents
- I love driving whenever, wherever (avoiding traffic hours of course)
- I love having lunch and dinner with my family
- I love shopping with them too
- I love just being together with them (when they're not talking about me or angry at something)
- I love laying around in my room, browsing my net

When I am employed:
- I love waking up in the morning and being grateful each and everyday because I'm not late
- I love being driven to the office so that I can prepare my work in the car (or sleep, whichever I want)
- I love having an old PC and not being able to send my work outside of the office (a reason of having my work stay in the office)
- I love having to travel to different buildings with public transport (a.k.a taxi)
- I love thanking God for the ease of finding public transport just in time when I need it
- I love meeting up with new people and just talk with them, learning what they do (while learning what I have to learn too. Lol.)
- I love knowing that I have a job that I can do (i.e when I know how to do it exactly)
- I love being involved in, and considered in as part of the team
- I love being in a meeting (that doesn't involve giving me more jobs that I already has. Lol.)
- I love just to be able to do my job alone in my desk with my old PC with my earphone on
- I love having access in and out everywhere and anywhere! (Not yet though. Soon! Lol.)
- I love having the free parking thingy
- I love being able to just walk from one building to another (usually for lunch or meeting at a coffee shop, granted when my heels aren't killing me)
- I love knowing that I have friends in different buildings and different areas
- I love to get to know fellow workers around my age
- I love my kind supervisors who are helpful yet allowing me to grow with my own way and giving me chances to do stuffs (or more like it's one of our requirements? Lol.)
- I love the simple snacks and small talks while working
- I love making new friends
- I love the "Hanging-Out-Together-After-Work-Fridays"
- I love knowing that I have a lot to do (even though I'm still clueless in some parts)
- I love knowing that I'm learning a lot of stuffs and that by the end of this project, I will know the end-to-end process of the business section I'm in
- I love the occasional refreshing moments available

So I am (learning to) lov(ing) a whole lots of stuffs. Stuffs that I might not realize before and stuffs that I'm realizing now.
But the thing that I love the most is the realization (and simple gratitude feeling each day) that through everything I have Him by my side. Renewing me every single day. Giving me strength through out the day to help me do whatever I have to do. Knowing that everything that is good from me is from Him. That I'm not running the race alone. That He will provide ways for me. Opening up doors at the right moments, amazing me and make me wonder. At the same time, not only make me a survivor but someone who is able to strife and be the best that I can be.

You're the greatest! Love You!

Terlantar without desk nor computer. Can't do job properly. Feeling so confused and left out and overwhelmed with the stuffs that I supposed to do.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with all the contracts that I have to read. Bah, even when my mom handed me her contracts, I was only half reading it. And yesterday they want me to look at contracts on 6 huge huge folders???

Surprisingly, I did it.... ^^"

And today, I'm supposed to use the computer to tidy up all the datas that I have. Apparently I couldn't coz they still don't have any space/desk/phone/computer to give to me. So I'm still in my temporary space, trying to find out what else I can do without a computer. While thinking of the prospects of what I should achieve by the end of this project (which was still a dreadful because I'm so clueless still.)

But if I just stop to think about it, actually it's great... Being an MA. I can see all the details that I want and see the overview of how things works in that particular divisions (or more like I have to, that's my job. Lol. To see the overall stuffs and make recommendations to improve/get additional products/whatever they want me to do. Lol.) So after the dread, comes excitement. Maybe I'm getting it, little by little. (Very little...) This is kinda what I wanted before... Just... Before, everything was on my mind. Now it's becoming reality. Wow. Hoping I can finish this project well. (I hope I know what I'm doing... ^^")

A sense of accomplishment after finishing the first, small, unofficial project (tomorrow is the report's due date... So we have to finish up today for that one no matter we like it or not). That little project has made this second week rougher (the reason why I came back soooo late on my first official day working on my first official project - or my second project as of now and also the reason why I slept soooo late for 3 consecutive days while waking up soooo early in the morning. Average sleeping time 4-5 hours. Gonna fix that soon!)

I managed to keep my record of being in the office at 8am, even though I've been going out of the house later and later (each by 20 minutes different). i wonder how that happens? Anyway, even so, I still feel like I've been arriving in the office too early... ^^"

Been separated with my fellow MAs - the one from the same batch as me. Unable to mix well with other colleagues. That's bad of me... ^^" Need to hone my social skills. Ahhh.. This is killing me... I hope I can find new friends that I'm comfy with soon.

Oh, my spv is apparently my bro's friend. A day after we (bro and I) found out - which is today - I found out that she knew too. Funny story. Such a coincidence. Not that it'd change anything. I think... But I think she's been great to me. Like guiding me and stuffs. I wonder if it's because she knew I'm my bro's sister? Hum... But I think she's basically a nice person. Thank God!

Anw, need sleep. Bad. Ciao!

晚安！

Hummm... I really wonder if it's a good choice of work... Despite it was really positive in the beginning (I was kinda excited for the job) but ever since the last two huge scandal that made it through all the papers in Indo, this is kinda questionable. I just read the continuation of the scandals in the paper today and they just denied everything away... (At least they did in the one that I read in) and they still can't solve the cases.. The person I'm supposed to meet tomorrow happened to be quoted in the newspaper too, and I was wondering whether he can still meet up tomorrow, I was expecting they'll cancel it what with all the callings to attend the court and stuffs. And my guess was correct. When i checked my email after i got back, they sent another email saying they're postponing it... Hummm... And my bro said that there's a possibility that they'll take away their right to operate in Indo or something and close the bank down... (I don't know where he got the info). Possibility of me being jobless again? Even before I start doing the job. Lol.

Plus E&Y's work offer/interview with user is still standing too. At least they're going to call back on Monday to set up interview with me... i think... But Monday is my official working day... So.. Humm.... Clash clash... *Kachinggg...*

Ironic... It was supposed to be one of the best job offer that I got... Until the scandals crashed in. I wonder why the great timing? What should I do? Sigh.

Great! Perfect timing! The same week I sign my contract, suddenly my place of employment has been the hot topic in the news - twice! Yeah! And not about good stuffs too. But the bad stuffs... Seriously... How can they choose a very perfect timing like this?

First one is the embezzlement of customers' accounts, worths a min of Rp. 20 billion. Second would the debt collectors who caused customer's death... Third probably is the involvement in money laundry-ing, even though this one is not exactly the bank's fault...

Wow... Huge cases right before I officially starts there. What a great welcoming news...

"Welcome to nightmare" part 2?

I just realized something...

A few months before, when I was still wondering what I should do next, whether to continue in another city in China or go study abroad at another country or just simply go back, I was really considering to go to Japan.

And really, Daddy has been taking really good care of me.

Can you imagine if mom didn't object?

I would have been seriously preparing for Japan. And prolly by Feb/March this year, already am in japan.
Anddd... I would have experienced the huge earthquake, the tsunami, the no electricity... Freezing with rationed food prolly?
Wow... I'm... "Glad"?

But... It kinda made me wonder. What would my life be like, if since the beginning I chose Japan over China?
Maybe, just maybe... It'll be the other way around. i'll stay a year in Japan and then I'll be in China now. Coz obviously I don't think mom will object over me going to China at all. Even if I only take language as my course.
And maybe... Just maybe.. I'll be hating China even more than before, when I first tried to settle there.
Haha. And would be very concern for my 'friends' in Japan. But at least I would have been able to stay in my 'admired' country.
After all, out of all, except Indo and China... Or even compared to those, Japan has been the one country that has left a lot of impact in my life. What with all the comics and dramas and music and whatever else I've been exposed to since I was a kid. Lol.

The point is? I think most of the decisions I made is, once again, related to "what I really want" and "what would have been useful". "Practicality" over "Passion?". I think... If I have to make decisions again in the future for my self. The topic won't be too far away from that. Andd... I'll be wondering again...

Which one is more important? Something that "will be useful in the future but you don't really like" or something that "you really like but might not be as useful"? Can somebody tell me the answer to that?



On another note, I realized something else. I posted this entry on the wrong blog before. Lol. Ah well...

"Where do you work?"
"At Citi in the city"
(a friend told another friend of where I work)

So I signed the contract, I did the medical check ups, I wrote my bio and now... I'm just waiting for next Tuesday to come up...
We're gonna go over the little details of all the necessary stuffs. Like opening a bank account in Citi, getting the health card, applying for credit cards, etc. And the official first day would be 11th of April.

Humm... I can't help but thinking they might still able to reject me prior to the first day because of the MCU results. Lol. Well.. Let's just hope that my result shows that I'm trully 100% healthy. Lol.

So now, I'm an employee, huh? I have "signed my life away" and been unofficially "welcomed to nightmares". Lol. I really can't help but feel the next 3 years won't be easy on me. I think I'm fated to always got everything easy (like I normally got it fast) but afterwards, it will be one hell of a journey, one that I will not forget for the rest of my life. This will be interesting. Haha. It's always like this. But life is never that easy, even though I've claimed that life indeed has been good to me. Haha.

Anyway... I wonder what will I be in the future. The terms 'employee' doesn't really sound right in my ear. I mean, for now, I feel like Citi is the right place for me. But... Maybe not to spend my whole life there. And not in banking industry too. I don't know... Let's see how things go. Everything hasn't even started yet... Lol. Thinking too far ahead?

So... Let's just wait and see...

Meanwhile... I'm hungry. I wanna eat.

Keep on keepin' on believin'
You've never given me a reason to drop my faith
and I won't leave you
just for the sake of leavin'
Cause I got every reason to stay

It's a good little time to settle down my world
But you took a hold of me
And then I told you
I promise to stand for you
But you gotta tell me what's it gonna be

Yeah yeah

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

God all of me hides in you
Oh God my home is your hands
Within me, into the world you send me
now I gotta tell the truth to everyone that I can
Yeah yeah

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
You you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

I say
Anything good in me comes from You
Keep on, keepin' on believin'

"I'm lazy. I work now so that I don't have to work later and just lazying around."

Do you think s/he's a lazy person?

Somehow I can't wait till I start working. Right now it all feels kind of exciting. Lol. New shoes, new clothes, new people, new experiences... Waa!

And it's sooo nice to hear people's encouragement for the job. Well, it's not gonna be easy job for sure but it's one of the best out there (soooo they said...) Well, I'm just thankful that God opened up the way for me. Even though I've made lots of mistakes during the process. (I mean I did answered all the questions of the interview. But apparently I did it 'lousyly'. Or so my HRD friend said. Lol. If their boss heard my answer at that time, they'll cross my name straight away. Wow...) So sometimes I felt like this job is not that hard to get. But then hearing people talk bout it, apparently it's not that easy too. Haha. So all I have is my thanks to our beloved Daddy...

Well, so far the work part is 'covered'. Next is still community and future partner. I guess it's time to shift my attention to that. Haha. Life's circle... Never run far away from the 'norms'. So... Looking forward what's stored next. =D Yeah!

Meanwhile... I think I need to hone my socializing skills. Again, I crashed my friend's party. I knew 5 people out of... 60? And they're alll busy with their friends. Weeee... It's hard to just join a group. And no one really to talk to. So 'garing'. Tho I'm fine if it's only one on one conversation. But having to sit at a table full of strangers are just... Overwhelming. Not to mention the strange outfit and feeling of out of place. In the end, resorts to iPhone (thank you Lord for the iPhone) and just enjoying the live music while playing. But I guess it's just me... Ahh... But they all know everyone (I think). It's just meee...

Wait, when I'm with my own school friends, I think I felt bored too. Humm.. Maybe coz I was sitting at the wrong position. Surrounded by guysss.. With their talk of games and economics/politics/whatever it is guys usually talk about. Sigh. Is it just me? I think it's me right? I need to watch the news and read the paper more often. Haha. Ah well...

Omg... I just found out they already made the movie for skip beat!!!! With Siwon (the Choi Siwon), Donghae, Jerry Yan and Ariel Lin as the casts....

U've got to be kidding me!!! Waaa!!!!

Oh ralat.. They dump Jerry yan as the male lead (phew.. No offence, but I never really like the guy.. Lol. His pineapple head leave too deep of an impression in my head.. Lol.)

And it's not aired yet. Boooo! I thought they're already done making it.. Gpp deh... Hahahaha.. Llalalala..

When I went to junior high:
"Mungkin yg ngetes salah ngeliat, hasilnya orang lain di kirain hasilnya nih anak. Jadi bisa masuk."

When I went to uni:
"Gila nih anak, udah mw bayar buat USyd tiba2 ditelpon UNSW, dpt kbr masuk. Bisa pas lagi tulis ceknya salah. Jadi dibalikin sama banknya."

When I got my first official job:
"Mungkin mereka salah persepsi kali? Sertifikat ke Cina lo dikirain S2."



Lol! Thanks a lot guys! You made my life so full of possibilities! Woohoo!!!

I was singing "Singing in the rain" and it really rained... Sigh... 上帝，你在跟我开玩笑吗？


Ah well, whatever...


"I'm singing in the rainn.. Just singing in the rainnn... What a gloriouss feelingg.. And I'm happpyyy again..."


Lol!

I got a jobb!!!! I'm not jobless anymore!!! Waaaa!!! Thank you Lord!!!! And right on time too!!!
Waahahahaha..

Emang rencanaNya ga pernah terlambat atau kecepetan yah! Lol.

So the story was, my mom came to my room along with my credit card bills... Guess what? My a/c right now only has 3 something mill. And my credit card bill is 3 something mill. Wow! Perfect match! Weeeee!!! Annnnddddddd.... I'm broke...

Sigh...

So I was forced to withdraw some cash from some other accounts... Just to make sure i can pay my bills. This is crazy. This never happens to me before... I guess this is it hey? The life of a full adult. Cash to earn... Bills to pay... Things to buy... Never ending cycle. The worry... But.. At least I don't have to worry about rent. Or gas.. Yet... I wonder how I'll go about to work later. Hum..

And then.. While I was trying to confirm that they've received my fax for cash withdrawal (so hard to call them!), suddenly Citi called. I mean, i got a miss call earlier, but I wasn't sure who it was. Sooo... When I took the call (while still on call with the other people) Citi's HR were saying, "okay, we're offering you the job, are you still interested?" me: "yep." (hell yeah! i am interested!!!). And sooo.. It's decided i'm gonna go on Monday to the office to sign my contracctt.. Weeee!!!! And another 'friend' that i met during the interview got in too. And my junior from high school too (I met some people that I kinda 'know' while doing the interview. What a small world...) Waaaa!!! And my friend who's in Citi, albeit not in Indonesia - lol, promised me it's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fun... Sounds good to me! Haha.

Sooo.. I've got bills to pay... But I hope from this I can pay my bills too... And I don't have to worry and borrow money from my parents or something like that. Yayy!!! Such great timing! Thoughh.. Have to limit myself from shopping. Hahaha.

Sooo.. During this...one month? Hum.. I got back to Indonesia at the end of Jan? Two months.. Or.. One and a half.. I've been accepted by 2 banks, screwed one work appointment, and (I'm guessing) will be rejected once (or twice? Actually... I think I've been rejected by a lot of companies... They just didn't bother to contact me anymore. Lol.) Not bad hey? Actually it's kinda too smooth and too fast... No? Scary! ^^" So I wonder what's in store for me next.. Hahaha...

Next in line: Looking for community. Hummm... Where should I commit myself to??? Hum....

I met up with my "old" friends from Sydney. "Old" because well, they brought someone that I don't know either. Lol. But I'm glad. I met up with this girl who's in HSBC's MT program. And from her, I heard news about MTs and banking. Apparently... Citibank's MA program is one of the best there is. At least in Indonesia. And it's quite hard too. But then afterwards you'll surely get lots and lots of experiences. And the pay is decent too. Weeee!!! Now I'm excited. Well, but yeah... There's still that problem of waiting. I don't know if I do get the job or not. And whether the contract will be okay or not. Waiittinnngggg.. Waiittiinnnggg...

On another note, it's back to finally go to some 'community' here, back in Jkt. I hope I can find somewhere that's suitable and easy to reach. Then it'd be awesome! I'll be back on the 'right' track. I hope I can adjust back to the people back in Indo. Humm.. Lately I seem to have a bad mood that's kinda affecting my way of dealing with people. So not good. =( So today was actually a really nice day to take a day off from the bad mood. Hahaha. Hopefully this will continue till forever!

Let's join a choir!

No matter what...

I've just finished doing my slides for the coming presentation. I don't feel like it's the best. Like, I might be able to improve on it, but I can't be bothered. Lol. Anw, i've sent the soft copy so nothing else I can do except to wait until tomorrow.

Well... What was I thinking? Oh yeah, suddenly I remembered the lines "Life's been easy on me". I think so too. Hahaha. After all, i've never really felt any such depression that I feel it's hopeless (except uni? Lol. I don't know. Somehow if I think back, probably uni was the hardest moment of my life. China comes second? Lol.)

I was just thinking back to our interviews, when I had to mention that actually, in my second year of uni my grades drop. And then they asked, why? And all I had for my answers was just "I don't know actually. I'm not quite sure why, maybe I was having a lot of pressure at that time. But I bounced back on my third year." Now that I'm thinking about it, probably those were the years that we had issues about ourselves. Our identity. Our confident with our own existence and being. The purpose. And about who we are. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still struggle with those (heck, you can see them through out my whole posts. It always relates to me finding the new me. "Chuckles*) But those moments probably were our moments of crisis, where we were still unsure of everything. Of what we've achieved, of what's haunting us in the past, of the current us at the time, of the upcoming futures that was running fast to catch us, while we're still confused of who we are individually, as a person. What was/is our capabilities? Where are our limits? Or whether we've reached our limits? What are our purpose? Those and yeah, we were on a whole different world from families who normally back us up. We have to face everything "alone". No one to really depends on. (Tho I'm lucky enough to have my friends who are very supporting and encouraging. Yeah!)

Well.. Now, after a few days, suddenly I think, maybe that's why I was so... struggling in my second year of unis. Apparently I have had "real issues" that I had to deal with without me realizing it. Lol. So random. And you know, right now, the moments where we're looking for work. I'm wondering... Usually it's another "great moments" for struggles. Lol. Will I have it easy again? (Tho I sure hope so. :P) Maybe my challenge will come when I've already found one, instead of when I'm looking for one. Humm... Kinda scary.. But hey, "in You I found courage". So whatever there is, let it comes... Let the 'fun' begins! =D

Was half hoping and half agonizing. Even tho I felt fine right after, but the more I think about it, the more I felt stupid. As if I've disclosed too many unimportant information, I've said too many things that I shouldn't or needn't say. Tho everything I said was true and comes from the bottom of my heart. But still, too much.. Prolly it's because of my nature to not say anything that I deemed unrelated/unimportant/unnecessary to the topic in questions. Anyway, considering all in all, it was actually quite smooth. I wasn't really nervous or anything. And I could answer all the questions asked, albeit some of the answers I just made it up on the spot. Lol. That's the first interview.

The second was the test. English test? Hum, not too hard but a little bit tricky because I think sometimes they have two answers. But hey, I'm never one that's great with grammar. So maybe I was wrong. The second part was our beloved "Principles of Accounting". Hah! I knew I couldn't do it from the start. I mean, they all look familiar, sure. I think I've learnt this before, like one of the professors in uni have mentioned it. But to remember the exact things that they said? Haha. Like I paid attention...

Well, anyway. So I was confident at first (tho gave up on EY already. Lol.) but as time goes, I feel more and more hopeless for citibank. Lol. I wonder why? Anyway, today, at 6pm, I finally got the email! And I passed! Weee!!! A presentation left to do (ugh, the thing I hate the most!) and I'm done. I just have to wait again. Lalalalala.

The whole thing felt like a miracle. I'm actually quite sure I wanna be in Citibank, I don't know why. Comparing to the other companies I've applied to. Well, all in all, I believe I owe everything up to Him. My trip to China wasn't a waste after all. Because I feel that if I didn't go there, I wouldn't be the me right now. Even though I can't really pin point what changed, but I know for sure, the me right now is different from the me before, when I was a "real" fresh graduate, two years ago. Haha... And I thank God because He's been good to me, all this time, always, forever. Undescribable... He's great, He's awesome! He's... who He is... Wonderful.. Mighty... Powerful... My strength... My deliverer... My... Mine... Forever...

Whatever is coming next, I may not know. But I do know, that I'm not alone, that I have my Saviour with me always. And That what keeps me going. Yeah.

I'm currently sad because everyone's leaving me already... Well, lucky I still have some high school friends over here, but even then, only one of them are really close friends. And she might be leaving me soon too! =(

And I'm anxious because of all the sudden job 'offers' that come my way... I was anxious because I had none before..
Now that they're coming (granted only 2) but still... I'd like to give em my best and I don't want to fail. But after that then what?
And will I be able to survive at all?

And then I don't even know what to expect, what to do, I've noooo idea at all. Sigh. What should I dooooo???????


When Panin called, this didn't happen at all. And I was going there half heartedly.... Answering questions just from whatever comes to mind... And whatever, I don't really care attitude.. Now.... Sigh.. I guess the jobs coming my way now have more... value.. for me than Panin. Lol. I feel bad too.. Coz I still haven't reject them properly... Because I still don't know whether I'm going to reject or not. U know, worst comes to worst, it'd be nice if I still have that one job to fall back to. But how long can this be??? Hummm...

Dear GCG MA Candidates,

Congratulations ! You are now 1 step closer from the successful pathway as Citi Indonesia GCG Management Associates. You are invited to attend the panel interviews which take place with the following details:

Date : Monday, March 7, 2011

Time : 8:30 am to 9:15 am : Dxxx, MMM, DDi, EBG, AMP, Amanda S... W.....
9:15 am to 10:00 am: xxxxx
10:00 am to 10:45 am: xxxxx

Venue : Four Seasons Hotel, Palm Court 3, mezzanine floor Jl. HR. Rasuna Said, Kuningan, Jakarta Selatan

Important Notes:
- You will meet with 3 MA Committee for a 15 minutes interview time with each Panelist
- Dress code for interviews: suit and tie for male candidates. Suit for female candidates
- Please arrive at least 15 minutes before your allocated interview time.

The Finalist Candidates will be contacted by email on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 for further advice on how to proceed with the final selection process which will take place on Friday, March 11, 2011 from 1 pm to 5 pm in Plaza Bapindo, Citibank Tower, 8th floor. Please make sure you check your email on regular basis.

Please reply to this email to xxx@citi.com and xxx@citi.com as a confirmation of attendance from you.
See you there and Good Luck !!!

Regards,

Axxxx Fxxxxx
Citibank N.A., Indonesia
Human Resources
Organizational Learning and Development




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest to join Ernst and Young Indonesia. In regards to your application, we would like to invite you for preliminary assessment to fill junior tax consultant position in our company. Please find the detail as per below:

Day/Date: Tuesday, 08 March 2011

Time: 13:15 - 15:30

Venue: Ernst & Young office
Training Room
Indonesia Stock Exchange (Bursa Efek Indonesia) Building, Tower 1, 12th floor
Jl. Jend. Sudirman Kav. 52-53
Jakarta 12190

Agenda: 13:15 - 13:30 Registration & application form
13:30 - 14:30 English Assessment
14:30 - 15:00 Accounting Principles Assessment

Requirements: Minimum GPA 3.00, Major Accounting.
Please bring your CV, transcript academic, certificate, recent photo, stationary (e.g. pen, pencil etc) and calculator.

Your confirmation by replying this email will be highly appreciated.

Thank you & best regards

Ps. Please come 15 minutes earlier, for registration.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The questions right now would be, will I be able to make it? And if I do, which one should I choose??? Sigh... So much at such a period of time... I'm still trying to process all of this.. And Panin's still on hold too... What should I do with that? And Sinarmas... I think I blew that one off tho...

Untuk masakan Jepang, kita tahu bahwa ikan salmon akan lebih enak utk dinikmati jika ikan tsb masih dalam keadaan hidup saat hendak diolah utk disajikan.
Jauh lebih nikmat dibandingkan dgn ikan salmon yg sdh diawetkan dgn es.

Itu sebabnya para nelayan selalu mmasukkan salmon tangkapannya ke suatu kolam buatan agar dlm perjalanan menuju daratan salmon2 tsb tetap hidup.

Meski demikian pada kenyataannya byk salmon yg mati di kolam buatan tsb.

Bagaimana cara mereka menyiasatinya?
Para nelayan itu memasukkan seekor hiu kecil dikolam tsb.
Ajaib !! Hiu kecil tsb “memaksa” salmon2 itu terus bergerak agar jgn sampai dimangsa.
Akibatnya jumlah salmon yg mati justru menjadi sangat sedikit !!

Diam membuat kita mati ! Bergerak membuat kita hidup !
Barangkali kurang lebih itulah pesan moral yg dpt kita tangkap dari gambaran diatas.

Apa yg membuat kita diam?
Saat tdk ada masalah dlm hidup dan saat kita berada dlm zona nyaman.

Situasi seperti ini kerap membuat kita terlena. Begitu terlenanya sehingga kita tdk sadar bahwa kita telah mati.
Ironis, bukan?

Apa yg membuat kita bergerak?
Masalah, Pergumulan dan Tekanan Hidup.
Saat masalah datang secara otomatis naluri kita membuat kita bergerak aktif dan berusaha mengatasi semua pergumulan hidup itu

Disaat saat seperti itu biasanya kita akan ingat Tuhan dan berharap kpd Tuhan. Tdk hanya itu, kita menjadi kreatif, dan potensi diri kitapun menjadi berkembang luar biasa !!

Ingatlah bahwa kita akan bisa belajar byk dlm hidup ini bukan pada saat keadaan nyaman, tapi justru pada saat kita menghadapi badai hidup.

Itu sebabnya syukurilah “hiu kecil” yg terus memaksa kita utk bergerak dan tetap survive !

Masalah hidup adalah baik, karena itulah yg membuat kita terus bergerak…

Be blessed, keep on moving!!!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

This post has been circulating for quite a while on the net.

Emang bener, sebenenernya dari masalah, kita malah bisa belajar lebih banyak dan bisa appreciate more things in our life.
Hence aku mw bersyukur. Kalo dari semua masalah yang pernah aku hadapi, aku boleh diajarkan untuk terus bersyukur dan boleh terus ingat dan boleh terus berpikiran positive. I think this is what have kept me going so far. Kalo aku boleh liat masalah bukan sebagai masalah, tapi sebagai batu loncatan supaya aku boleh diexpose to more new things, boleh belajar lebih banyak lagi. Biarlah pada saat tertentu aku 'sedikit' :P mengeluh. Tapi jangan sampai aku stuck dalam keluhan tersebut. Namun boleh terus maju dan melihat dari perspective yang lain. Coz after all, nothing is as bad as it seems. Karena beban yang kita terima gak akan melebihi kekuatan kita. =)

Semoga boleh terus jadi reminder for the rest of my life too. =)

is stressing out...

Dad.. is ironically cute.

Ahh... I hope everything goes well...

The past few days I've been trying to organize a 5 days trip to Central Java.

The trip was supposed to be with a lot of people. And I wasn't even the one who suggested it in the first place, I'm just going with the flowww... As usual... And then suddenly everyone that are usually my partner in crime in organizing all of my trips bailed out on me, leaving me the only one who can organize it (with the help of friends who aren't even going for the whole trip anyway). And.... The results?

Devastating...

Underestimated budget because didn't think properly bout the long-distance transport - car rentals in particular.
Unclear itinerary still (tho know in general, but nothing can beat a detailed, hourly, complete itinerary, no?)
Saw the wrong price for the flight back which another blow up to the budget.
Am not even sure which hotel is good - still.
No one to consult to because no one's going for the whole trip with me - at least no one that stays in Jakarta anyway. And the other one who are Indonesians too, I don't even know where he went off to...
Having to use own cash/cc for down payment/booking. - Well, i'm not one that trusts net transactions. So... It's been weighing down on me a lot. Like is it safe to do it etc2. So stressful. Esp since there's no one to consult or at least to say that it's ok. If I ask my fam - which I kinda did in a way - they'll gonna say that it's not safe and that I should be careful. But really, how can I be careful with these things? Except not to do any payment to any dodgy websites of course. That much I know!

All in all? I can only say that I'm sad... Ah... Seriously. I don't think planning works for me. Back in China, we only booked flight tix to and from and nothing else. With only our plane tix in our hands, we carry our luggages, without even knowing where we're going to stay. (yeah, we were That crazy. lol.) Even tho we were worried at first but at least we know that everything will work out just fine in the end anyway coz we're gonna be together no matter wad. And we decide everything together, we'll meet up to plan, even if the plan ends up with no plan at all. In a country that is foreign to all of us... But now, I have to decide everything alone for the well-being of another people, in my own country... Granted I'm not that familiar to the places we're going to visit, but at least I'm a citizen of this country. Trying to do my best but my plan in my head's not working well... Hence I'm kinda sad right now. Sigh... I guess planning's not really the issue. It's just I'm used to rely on other people too much I guess. And i don't want my friends to be disappointed with the trip. =( Tho I know that they're the easy going type who doesn't really mind with anything I guess. Or at least every time I asked something, they'll always say: i'm fine with anything. You guys decide. Which is kinda adding to the stress level at some moments instead. Haha.

Well, I'm gonna fix this tom. (Sposed to confirm everything today... But... Well.. Apparently I'm busy today. Haha.)

Hopefully starting tom night, I can sleep well. Besides, I'm running out of time. I guess everything will be just fine if I don't set the budget too low... But I guess the cheap-o spirit won't let go easily... Hahaha. Ah well... Not when I'm with this particular group of people anyway.

On another note...

When can I know for sure what I really want to pursue over here? Sigh.... Self! What do u really want? Dying for some 'guidance'. ...

I guess this time, I'm learning to make my own decisions, to be self-confident of the decisions that I made, and to not regret whatever that happens, even if it turns out that I'm wrong or anything. And to keep on seeing things from the positive sides.

Well, I guess this is it... My journey back in Indo is starting... I'm gonna get stronger! I won't be defeated! Because I'm not alone! Yeah! Not at all.

Learning to be more independent yet not too independent that I cross out the help that others can give. Apparently this is quite hard for me. Coz I tend to be in one extreme or the other. Lol. Ah well... In the end, all of these does comes back to wisdom.

Which reminds me, sometimes I think too roughly and act too fast without really thinking thru the whole thing. Kinda similar to my dad. Hahaha. And my mom just complaint today that he always in a hurry yet nothing gets done (not so true! something did gets done. even if it's not as efficient as it can be. hahahaha.)

Anw, gonna look fwd to another 'version' of me. Maybe after some few years and then I look back to the days when we're young. I'll think 'how stupid i was' or 'what the hell was i thinking?' or 'those were the fun days'. Well, I'm gonna look for that too. And let's keep this entry as a memoir of 'the-old-good-days'. Haha.

Is the first time I've hold a few months old baby with my own two hands... I was wondering, how would it feel. And somehow I was relating it to holding a puppy. I don't know why puppies came to mind. Lol. But then again I've never really held a puppy. So...

Conclusion? It's kind of weird... Holding a baby that is...

Babies... I've concluded that they can make grown ups acting weird and crazy, like retards... All of the grown ups... For just one baby.. Fun!

Your Type is: ISTP
Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
67 62 38 56

The nature of Crafters is most clearly seen in their masterful operation of tools, equipment, machines, and instruments of all kinds. Most us use tools in some capacity, of course, but Crafters (as much as ten percent of the population) are the true masters of tool work, with an innate ability to command tools and to become expert at all the crafts requiring tool skills. Even from an early age they are drawn to tools as if to a magnet -- tools fall into their hands demanding use, and they must work with them.

Like all the Artisans, Crafters are people who love action, and who know instinctively that their activities are more enjoyable, and more effective, if done impulsively, spontaneously, subject to no schedules or standards but their own. In a sense, Crafters do not work with their tools, but play with them when the urge strikes them. Crafters also seek fun and games on impulse, looking for any opportunity, and just because they feel like it, to play with their various toys: cars, motorcycles, boats, dune-buggies, hunting rifles, fishing tackle, scuba gear, and on and on. They thrive on excitement, particularly the rush of speed-racing, water-skiing, surfing. And Crafters are fearless in their play, exposing themselves to danger again and again, even despite frequent injury. Of all the types, Crafters are most likely to be risk takers, pitting themselves, or their technique, against chance or odds.

Crafters are hard to get to know. Perhaps this is because they tend to communicate through action, and show little interest in developing language skills. Their lack of expressiveness can isolate them at school and on the job, and even though they hang around with their own kind in play, they let their actions speak for them, and their actual conversation is sparse and brief.

Crafters can be wonderfully generous and loyal to their friends, teammates, and sidekicks, often giving up their evenings or weekends to help with building projects or mechanical repairs-house remodeling, for example, or working on cars or boats. On the other hand, they can be fiercely insubordinate to those in authority, seeing rules and regulations as unnecessarily confining. Crafters will not usually go against regulations openly, but will simply ignore them. More than anything, Crafters want to be free to do their own thing, and they are proud of their ability to do it with an artist's skill.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think this is new? I don't remember ever having this results before. Lol.

Wah, I think i really only start posting in here whenever I'm out of China! Lol. They really did a great job blocking me from these sites...

Anw, China has been great - even though I remembered I did complain a lot in the beginning of the first semester. Lol. Second semester has been real fun with more people and friends from all over the world. I'm glad I went. Actually this might be my first time truly being friends with someone outside Indo and hanging out with them often. It has been a blessing and a whole other journey in China. It's a different kind of 'fun' comparing to my life in Sydney, both life help shaped the me now. Yeah... ^^ I'm so blessed... ^^

Ah... Now that I'm back... So, what's been going on so far?

Dad was hospitalized for a day - so I spent a whole day a day after I got back to Jkt at the hospital with dad. Interesting exp. A glimpse of my mom's life before. Can't imagine her feelings spending all those nights with dad at the hospital, with so much worst of a condition. I'm proud of 'em. They are strong people. Even if they can be pessimistic and sarcastic. I guess that's their way of handling life.. Trying to stay close to reality. And I realized now, it is a culture in our family.

Went out with old friends - high school friends and old friends from my home stay to UK. Amazing to see how people change/don't change at all. Hahaha. It's very interesting to see how you feel they change so much yet not at all.

And while in the midst of all that, I got a surprising phone call from Panin Bank. Surprising because I was in the middle of 'reunion' with friends when they called. And because I applied for the job waayyyy back when I was in Beijing. Those days of "well, I kinda already start applying but I gave them my Indo's phone number but I'm still here in Beijing? So I don't know how it'll turn out." Lol. So the call was for a psycho test today at their office at Petojo at 9am.

Results? Hum. I passed the pyschotest (took them 3 hours to complete the whole thing - as in the test). Then I passed the first interview with the HR manager (took them another 50 min to analyze the results of the tests then announcing the results and then another hour for me until I finished being interviewed). So I went there at 9am and get out of there at 3pm (another hour waiting to be picked up by mom n dad).

5pm got back home. 5.30ish pm got another phone call, saying I'm being called for another interview with their chairman of the division next monday 9am on the main branch of Panin Bank.

So I guess everything went well.... Except... I'm still at a dilemma of whether to continue with this job or not. Maybe I will if they raise the pay. Hummm.. I guess that's another consideration left for next week. Meanwhile, let's apply for another job. (And I still want to travel around too! Java, Japan, Europe... Lol. Ah.. I want too much, don't I?)

Anw, I thank God for this opportunity. I thank God I came back to Indo. I thank God for friends who've crossed path with me - some who will be coming soon! I thank God just because there are never ending stuffs to thank for...

New year, new path, new challenges, new knowledge, new experiences, new meetings, everything new... With the same old, never changing, keep renewing God. Awesome!