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The past few days I've been trying to organize a 5 days trip to Central Java.

The trip was supposed to be with a lot of people. And I wasn't even the one who suggested it in the first place, I'm just going with the flowww... As usual... And then suddenly everyone that are usually my partner in crime in organizing all of my trips bailed out on me, leaving me the only one who can organize it (with the help of friends who aren't even going for the whole trip anyway). And.... The results?

Devastating...

Underestimated budget because didn't think properly bout the long-distance transport - car rentals in particular.
Unclear itinerary still (tho know in general, but nothing can beat a detailed, hourly, complete itinerary, no?)
Saw the wrong price for the flight back which another blow up to the budget.
Am not even sure which hotel is good - still.
No one to consult to because no one's going for the whole trip with me - at least no one that stays in Jakarta anyway. And the other one who are Indonesians too, I don't even know where he went off to...
Having to use own cash/cc for down payment/booking. - Well, i'm not one that trusts net transactions. So... It's been weighing down on me a lot. Like is it safe to do it etc2. So stressful. Esp since there's no one to consult or at least to say that it's ok. If I ask my fam - which I kinda did in a way - they'll gonna say that it's not safe and that I should be careful. But really, how can I be careful with these things? Except not to do any payment to any dodgy websites of course. That much I know!

All in all? I can only say that I'm sad... Ah... Seriously. I don't think planning works for me. Back in China, we only booked flight tix to and from and nothing else. With only our plane tix in our hands, we carry our luggages, without even knowing where we're going to stay. (yeah, we were That crazy. lol.) Even tho we were worried at first but at least we know that everything will work out just fine in the end anyway coz we're gonna be together no matter wad. And we decide everything together, we'll meet up to plan, even if the plan ends up with no plan at all. In a country that is foreign to all of us... But now, I have to decide everything alone for the well-being of another people, in my own country... Granted I'm not that familiar to the places we're going to visit, but at least I'm a citizen of this country. Trying to do my best but my plan in my head's not working well... Hence I'm kinda sad right now. Sigh... I guess planning's not really the issue. It's just I'm used to rely on other people too much I guess. And i don't want my friends to be disappointed with the trip. =( Tho I know that they're the easy going type who doesn't really mind with anything I guess. Or at least every time I asked something, they'll always say: i'm fine with anything. You guys decide. Which is kinda adding to the stress level at some moments instead. Haha.

Well, I'm gonna fix this tom. (Sposed to confirm everything today... But... Well.. Apparently I'm busy today. Haha.)

Hopefully starting tom night, I can sleep well. Besides, I'm running out of time. I guess everything will be just fine if I don't set the budget too low... But I guess the cheap-o spirit won't let go easily... Hahaha. Ah well... Not when I'm with this particular group of people anyway.

On another note...

When can I know for sure what I really want to pursue over here? Sigh.... Self! What do u really want? Dying for some 'guidance'. ...

I guess this time, I'm learning to make my own decisions, to be self-confident of the decisions that I made, and to not regret whatever that happens, even if it turns out that I'm wrong or anything. And to keep on seeing things from the positive sides.

Well, I guess this is it... My journey back in Indo is starting... I'm gonna get stronger! I won't be defeated! Because I'm not alone! Yeah! Not at all.

Learning to be more independent yet not too independent that I cross out the help that others can give. Apparently this is quite hard for me. Coz I tend to be in one extreme or the other. Lol. Ah well... In the end, all of these does comes back to wisdom.

Which reminds me, sometimes I think too roughly and act too fast without really thinking thru the whole thing. Kinda similar to my dad. Hahaha. And my mom just complaint today that he always in a hurry yet nothing gets done (not so true! something did gets done. even if it's not as efficient as it can be. hahahaha.)

Anw, gonna look fwd to another 'version' of me. Maybe after some few years and then I look back to the days when we're young. I'll think 'how stupid i was' or 'what the hell was i thinking?' or 'those were the fun days'. Well, I'm gonna look for that too. And let's keep this entry as a memoir of 'the-old-good-days'. Haha.