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I just realized something...

A few months before, when I was still wondering what I should do next, whether to continue in another city in China or go study abroad at another country or just simply go back, I was really considering to go to Japan.

And really, Daddy has been taking really good care of me.

Can you imagine if mom didn't object?

I would have been seriously preparing for Japan. And prolly by Feb/March this year, already am in japan.
Anddd... I would have experienced the huge earthquake, the tsunami, the no electricity... Freezing with rationed food prolly?
Wow... I'm... "Glad"?

But... It kinda made me wonder. What would my life be like, if since the beginning I chose Japan over China?
Maybe, just maybe... It'll be the other way around. i'll stay a year in Japan and then I'll be in China now. Coz obviously I don't think mom will object over me going to China at all. Even if I only take language as my course.
And maybe... Just maybe.. I'll be hating China even more than before, when I first tried to settle there.
Haha. And would be very concern for my 'friends' in Japan. But at least I would have been able to stay in my 'admired' country.
After all, out of all, except Indo and China... Or even compared to those, Japan has been the one country that has left a lot of impact in my life. What with all the comics and dramas and music and whatever else I've been exposed to since I was a kid. Lol.

The point is? I think most of the decisions I made is, once again, related to "what I really want" and "what would have been useful". "Practicality" over "Passion?". I think... If I have to make decisions again in the future for my self. The topic won't be too far away from that. Andd... I'll be wondering again...

Which one is more important? Something that "will be useful in the future but you don't really like" or something that "you really like but might not be as useful"? Can somebody tell me the answer to that?



On another note, I realized something else. I posted this entry on the wrong blog before. Lol. Ah well...

"Where do you work?"
"At Citi in the city"
(a friend told another friend of where I work)

So I signed the contract, I did the medical check ups, I wrote my bio and now... I'm just waiting for next Tuesday to come up...
We're gonna go over the little details of all the necessary stuffs. Like opening a bank account in Citi, getting the health card, applying for credit cards, etc. And the official first day would be 11th of April.

Humm... I can't help but thinking they might still able to reject me prior to the first day because of the MCU results. Lol. Well.. Let's just hope that my result shows that I'm trully 100% healthy. Lol.

So now, I'm an employee, huh? I have "signed my life away" and been unofficially "welcomed to nightmares". Lol. I really can't help but feel the next 3 years won't be easy on me. I think I'm fated to always got everything easy (like I normally got it fast) but afterwards, it will be one hell of a journey, one that I will not forget for the rest of my life. This will be interesting. Haha. It's always like this. But life is never that easy, even though I've claimed that life indeed has been good to me. Haha.

Anyway... I wonder what will I be in the future. The terms 'employee' doesn't really sound right in my ear. I mean, for now, I feel like Citi is the right place for me. But... Maybe not to spend my whole life there. And not in banking industry too. I don't know... Let's see how things go. Everything hasn't even started yet... Lol. Thinking too far ahead?

So... Let's just wait and see...

Meanwhile... I'm hungry. I wanna eat.

Keep on keepin' on believin'
You've never given me a reason to drop my faith
and I won't leave you
just for the sake of leavin'
Cause I got every reason to stay

It's a good little time to settle down my world
But you took a hold of me
And then I told you
I promise to stand for you
But you gotta tell me what's it gonna be

Yeah yeah

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

God all of me hides in you
Oh God my home is your hands
Within me, into the world you send me
now I gotta tell the truth to everyone that I can
Yeah yeah

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
You you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

I'm just a simple man
A little part of a bigger plan
everything that gives me worth, God, it's you
So take the rest of me
Cause you got the best of me
Everything good in me comes from you

I say
Anything good in me comes from You
Keep on, keepin' on believin'

"I'm lazy. I work now so that I don't have to work later and just lazying around."

Do you think s/he's a lazy person?

Somehow I can't wait till I start working. Right now it all feels kind of exciting. Lol. New shoes, new clothes, new people, new experiences... Waa!

And it's sooo nice to hear people's encouragement for the job. Well, it's not gonna be easy job for sure but it's one of the best out there (soooo they said...) Well, I'm just thankful that God opened up the way for me. Even though I've made lots of mistakes during the process. (I mean I did answered all the questions of the interview. But apparently I did it 'lousyly'. Or so my HRD friend said. Lol. If their boss heard my answer at that time, they'll cross my name straight away. Wow...) So sometimes I felt like this job is not that hard to get. But then hearing people talk bout it, apparently it's not that easy too. Haha. So all I have is my thanks to our beloved Daddy...

Well, so far the work part is 'covered'. Next is still community and future partner. I guess it's time to shift my attention to that. Haha. Life's circle... Never run far away from the 'norms'. So... Looking forward what's stored next. =D Yeah!

Meanwhile... I think I need to hone my socializing skills. Again, I crashed my friend's party. I knew 5 people out of... 60? And they're alll busy with their friends. Weeee... It's hard to just join a group. And no one really to talk to. So 'garing'. Tho I'm fine if it's only one on one conversation. But having to sit at a table full of strangers are just... Overwhelming. Not to mention the strange outfit and feeling of out of place. In the end, resorts to iPhone (thank you Lord for the iPhone) and just enjoying the live music while playing. But I guess it's just me... Ahh... But they all know everyone (I think). It's just meee...

Wait, when I'm with my own school friends, I think I felt bored too. Humm.. Maybe coz I was sitting at the wrong position. Surrounded by guysss.. With their talk of games and economics/politics/whatever it is guys usually talk about. Sigh. Is it just me? I think it's me right? I need to watch the news and read the paper more often. Haha. Ah well...

Omg... I just found out they already made the movie for skip beat!!!! With Siwon (the Choi Siwon), Donghae, Jerry Yan and Ariel Lin as the casts....

U've got to be kidding me!!! Waaa!!!!

Oh ralat.. They dump Jerry yan as the male lead (phew.. No offence, but I never really like the guy.. Lol. His pineapple head leave too deep of an impression in my head.. Lol.)

And it's not aired yet. Boooo! I thought they're already done making it.. Gpp deh... Hahahaha.. Llalalala..

When I went to junior high:
"Mungkin yg ngetes salah ngeliat, hasilnya orang lain di kirain hasilnya nih anak. Jadi bisa masuk."

When I went to uni:
"Gila nih anak, udah mw bayar buat USyd tiba2 ditelpon UNSW, dpt kbr masuk. Bisa pas lagi tulis ceknya salah. Jadi dibalikin sama banknya."

When I got my first official job:
"Mungkin mereka salah persepsi kali? Sertifikat ke Cina lo dikirain S2."



Lol! Thanks a lot guys! You made my life so full of possibilities! Woohoo!!!

I was singing "Singing in the rain" and it really rained... Sigh... 上帝，你在跟我开玩笑吗？


Ah well, whatever...


"I'm singing in the rainn.. Just singing in the rainnn... What a gloriouss feelingg.. And I'm happpyyy again..."


Lol!

I got a jobb!!!! I'm not jobless anymore!!! Waaaa!!! Thank you Lord!!!! And right on time too!!!
Waahahahaha..

Emang rencanaNya ga pernah terlambat atau kecepetan yah! Lol.

So the story was, my mom came to my room along with my credit card bills... Guess what? My a/c right now only has 3 something mill. And my credit card bill is 3 something mill. Wow! Perfect match! Weeeee!!! Annnnddddddd.... I'm broke...

Sigh...

So I was forced to withdraw some cash from some other accounts... Just to make sure i can pay my bills. This is crazy. This never happens to me before... I guess this is it hey? The life of a full adult. Cash to earn... Bills to pay... Things to buy... Never ending cycle. The worry... But.. At least I don't have to worry about rent. Or gas.. Yet... I wonder how I'll go about to work later. Hum..

And then.. While I was trying to confirm that they've received my fax for cash withdrawal (so hard to call them!), suddenly Citi called. I mean, i got a miss call earlier, but I wasn't sure who it was. Sooo... When I took the call (while still on call with the other people) Citi's HR were saying, "okay, we're offering you the job, are you still interested?" me: "yep." (hell yeah! i am interested!!!). And sooo.. It's decided i'm gonna go on Monday to the office to sign my contracctt.. Weeee!!!! And another 'friend' that i met during the interview got in too. And my junior from high school too (I met some people that I kinda 'know' while doing the interview. What a small world...) Waaaa!!! And my friend who's in Citi, albeit not in Indonesia - lol, promised me it's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fun... Sounds good to me! Haha.

Sooo.. I've got bills to pay... But I hope from this I can pay my bills too... And I don't have to worry and borrow money from my parents or something like that. Yayy!!! Such great timing! Thoughh.. Have to limit myself from shopping. Hahaha.

Sooo.. During this...one month? Hum.. I got back to Indonesia at the end of Jan? Two months.. Or.. One and a half.. I've been accepted by 2 banks, screwed one work appointment, and (I'm guessing) will be rejected once (or twice? Actually... I think I've been rejected by a lot of companies... They just didn't bother to contact me anymore. Lol.) Not bad hey? Actually it's kinda too smooth and too fast... No? Scary! ^^" So I wonder what's in store for me next.. Hahaha...

Next in line: Looking for community. Hummm... Where should I commit myself to??? Hum....

I met up with my "old" friends from Sydney. "Old" because well, they brought someone that I don't know either. Lol. But I'm glad. I met up with this girl who's in HSBC's MT program. And from her, I heard news about MTs and banking. Apparently... Citibank's MA program is one of the best there is. At least in Indonesia. And it's quite hard too. But then afterwards you'll surely get lots and lots of experiences. And the pay is decent too. Weeee!!! Now I'm excited. Well, but yeah... There's still that problem of waiting. I don't know if I do get the job or not. And whether the contract will be okay or not. Waiittinnngggg.. Waiittiinnnggg...

On another note, it's back to finally go to some 'community' here, back in Jkt. I hope I can find somewhere that's suitable and easy to reach. Then it'd be awesome! I'll be back on the 'right' track. I hope I can adjust back to the people back in Indo. Humm.. Lately I seem to have a bad mood that's kinda affecting my way of dealing with people. So not good. =( So today was actually a really nice day to take a day off from the bad mood. Hahaha. Hopefully this will continue till forever!

Let's join a choir!

No matter what...

I've just finished doing my slides for the coming presentation. I don't feel like it's the best. Like, I might be able to improve on it, but I can't be bothered. Lol. Anw, i've sent the soft copy so nothing else I can do except to wait until tomorrow.

Well... What was I thinking? Oh yeah, suddenly I remembered the lines "Life's been easy on me". I think so too. Hahaha. After all, i've never really felt any such depression that I feel it's hopeless (except uni? Lol. I don't know. Somehow if I think back, probably uni was the hardest moment of my life. China comes second? Lol.)

I was just thinking back to our interviews, when I had to mention that actually, in my second year of uni my grades drop. And then they asked, why? And all I had for my answers was just "I don't know actually. I'm not quite sure why, maybe I was having a lot of pressure at that time. But I bounced back on my third year." Now that I'm thinking about it, probably those were the years that we had issues about ourselves. Our identity. Our confident with our own existence and being. The purpose. And about who we are. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still struggle with those (heck, you can see them through out my whole posts. It always relates to me finding the new me. "Chuckles*) But those moments probably were our moments of crisis, where we were still unsure of everything. Of what we've achieved, of what's haunting us in the past, of the current us at the time, of the upcoming futures that was running fast to catch us, while we're still confused of who we are individually, as a person. What was/is our capabilities? Where are our limits? Or whether we've reached our limits? What are our purpose? Those and yeah, we were on a whole different world from families who normally back us up. We have to face everything "alone". No one to really depends on. (Tho I'm lucky enough to have my friends who are very supporting and encouraging. Yeah!)

Well.. Now, after a few days, suddenly I think, maybe that's why I was so... struggling in my second year of unis. Apparently I have had "real issues" that I had to deal with without me realizing it. Lol. So random. And you know, right now, the moments where we're looking for work. I'm wondering... Usually it's another "great moments" for struggles. Lol. Will I have it easy again? (Tho I sure hope so. :P) Maybe my challenge will come when I've already found one, instead of when I'm looking for one. Humm... Kinda scary.. But hey, "in You I found courage". So whatever there is, let it comes... Let the 'fun' begins! =D

Was half hoping and half agonizing. Even tho I felt fine right after, but the more I think about it, the more I felt stupid. As if I've disclosed too many unimportant information, I've said too many things that I shouldn't or needn't say. Tho everything I said was true and comes from the bottom of my heart. But still, too much.. Prolly it's because of my nature to not say anything that I deemed unrelated/unimportant/unnecessary to the topic in questions. Anyway, considering all in all, it was actually quite smooth. I wasn't really nervous or anything. And I could answer all the questions asked, albeit some of the answers I just made it up on the spot. Lol. That's the first interview.

The second was the test. English test? Hum, not too hard but a little bit tricky because I think sometimes they have two answers. But hey, I'm never one that's great with grammar. So maybe I was wrong. The second part was our beloved "Principles of Accounting". Hah! I knew I couldn't do it from the start. I mean, they all look familiar, sure. I think I've learnt this before, like one of the professors in uni have mentioned it. But to remember the exact things that they said? Haha. Like I paid attention...

Well, anyway. So I was confident at first (tho gave up on EY already. Lol.) but as time goes, I feel more and more hopeless for citibank. Lol. I wonder why? Anyway, today, at 6pm, I finally got the email! And I passed! Weee!!! A presentation left to do (ugh, the thing I hate the most!) and I'm done. I just have to wait again. Lalalalala.

The whole thing felt like a miracle. I'm actually quite sure I wanna be in Citibank, I don't know why. Comparing to the other companies I've applied to. Well, all in all, I believe I owe everything up to Him. My trip to China wasn't a waste after all. Because I feel that if I didn't go there, I wouldn't be the me right now. Even though I can't really pin point what changed, but I know for sure, the me right now is different from the me before, when I was a "real" fresh graduate, two years ago. Haha... And I thank God because He's been good to me, all this time, always, forever. Undescribable... He's great, He's awesome! He's... who He is... Wonderful.. Mighty... Powerful... My strength... My deliverer... My... Mine... Forever...

Whatever is coming next, I may not know. But I do know, that I'm not alone, that I have my Saviour with me always. And That what keeps me going. Yeah.

I'm currently sad because everyone's leaving me already... Well, lucky I still have some high school friends over here, but even then, only one of them are really close friends. And she might be leaving me soon too! =(

And I'm anxious because of all the sudden job 'offers' that come my way... I was anxious because I had none before..
Now that they're coming (granted only 2) but still... I'd like to give em my best and I don't want to fail. But after that then what?
And will I be able to survive at all?

And then I don't even know what to expect, what to do, I've noooo idea at all. Sigh. What should I dooooo???????


When Panin called, this didn't happen at all. And I was going there half heartedly.... Answering questions just from whatever comes to mind... And whatever, I don't really care attitude.. Now.... Sigh.. I guess the jobs coming my way now have more... value.. for me than Panin. Lol. I feel bad too.. Coz I still haven't reject them properly... Because I still don't know whether I'm going to reject or not. U know, worst comes to worst, it'd be nice if I still have that one job to fall back to. But how long can this be??? Hummm...

Dear GCG MA Candidates,

Congratulations ! You are now 1 step closer from the successful pathway as Citi Indonesia GCG Management Associates. You are invited to attend the panel interviews which take place with the following details:

Date : Monday, March 7, 2011

Time : 8:30 am to 9:15 am : Dxxx, MMM, DDi, EBG, AMP, Amanda S... W.....
9:15 am to 10:00 am: xxxxx
10:00 am to 10:45 am: xxxxx

Venue : Four Seasons Hotel, Palm Court 3, mezzanine floor Jl. HR. Rasuna Said, Kuningan, Jakarta Selatan

Important Notes:
- You will meet with 3 MA Committee for a 15 minutes interview time with each Panelist
- Dress code for interviews: suit and tie for male candidates. Suit for female candidates
- Please arrive at least 15 minutes before your allocated interview time.

The Finalist Candidates will be contacted by email on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 for further advice on how to proceed with the final selection process which will take place on Friday, March 11, 2011 from 1 pm to 5 pm in Plaza Bapindo, Citibank Tower, 8th floor. Please make sure you check your email on regular basis.

Please reply to this email to xxx@citi.com and xxx@citi.com as a confirmation of attendance from you.
See you there and Good Luck !!!

Regards,

Axxxx Fxxxxx
Citibank N.A., Indonesia
Human Resources
Organizational Learning and Development




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Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest to join Ernst and Young Indonesia. In regards to your application, we would like to invite you for preliminary assessment to fill junior tax consultant position in our company. Please find the detail as per below:

Day/Date: Tuesday, 08 March 2011

Time: 13:15 - 15:30

Venue: Ernst & Young office
Training Room
Indonesia Stock Exchange (Bursa Efek Indonesia) Building, Tower 1, 12th floor
Jl. Jend. Sudirman Kav. 52-53
Jakarta 12190

Agenda: 13:15 - 13:30 Registration & application form
13:30 - 14:30 English Assessment
14:30 - 15:00 Accounting Principles Assessment

Requirements: Minimum GPA 3.00, Major Accounting.
Please bring your CV, transcript academic, certificate, recent photo, stationary (e.g. pen, pencil etc) and calculator.

Your confirmation by replying this email will be highly appreciated.

Thank you & best regards

Ps. Please come 15 minutes earlier, for registration.



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The questions right now would be, will I be able to make it? And if I do, which one should I choose??? Sigh... So much at such a period of time... I'm still trying to process all of this.. And Panin's still on hold too... What should I do with that? And Sinarmas... I think I blew that one off tho...