Back to Basic

How wonderful it would be, if we could stay as a child. Free of responsibilites and unending wants. Just clinging to whatever that is dear and held them tight closely to heart. To be fascinated by every single thing, even a drop of rain, the flash of lightning, sound of cars passing and honking, the birds chirping, people talking. To be amazed by the swans and ducks swimming in the lake, the horses clomping, by the drums and the dance of the dragons and tigers. To be filled with giddy just by the simplest things.

5 years after finishing uni, 2 years being in the working class category, here I am. Still amazed by the little things, only if I remember to stop and to notice things around me.

I have grown weary, tired. The little things that happens day by day. They are all so little and mundane if you look them one by one, so insignificant and stupid to be concerned  about. But when they've been piling up days after days, months after months, unrealizing it, it just take your strength away. And the time is as such that we are required to be constantly on guard, and a little slip would cause a great distress, draining the energy even more.

Now I am at a transition era. I know that I cannot avoid it even if I can postpone it. And even if I postpone it, I am not even sure  I'll have the strength to go through it. And I am at a total loss. Pressured still by all sides. Without any clear guidance. Only building up the stress inside.

I desperately want to let go. To not be drowning. To just shut off. And so I cried out, "God, please help me. Please help me. ... Please help me. Please..."