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I just realized, I have a very kind bro...

And people I met usually is very kind to me too. Hahahaha... I'm so blessed ^^

Like there are times when I think my parents got angry with my brother but actually the mistakes mine, or I'm part of what triggers what happened next. So actually I'm supposed to be the one who got 'scolded'. But he never blamed me. Not for the big, real stuffs anyway. He just receives all those pressures from my parents (and we're talking about my parents here... They're really good at putting pressures.. Yeah.. v) and didn't blame me... (Laporan seh iya... Tapi kaga nyalahin.. Haha...)

Salut...

Is that the power of oldest siblings? They can withstand more pressure, endure more 'hardships' than the younger ones? At least that's what I feel. Hahaha...

Now I see him in a kinda 'new' light.

Well, I know he's reliable and all, and I can trust him. But you know, I always felt bad whenever something bad happened to him and it's because of me. But I think I don't have to feel THAT bad... I mean... You know, it's not like he can't deal with it or anything. He's strong enough that I can rely on him. Or something like that. And that those pressures from our parents... Well, they still love him no matter what (even though I think sometimes they're being unfair... But apparently it's their way to show that they still care.. Wow... A hard one... To receive so much care...) Well, I'm not saying that it's right to let him being the only one got all the pressures but, you know... Well, I guess my point is that now I realized he's stronger than what I thought.

Oh and I found out... (Mom said it herself) She doesn't really care for me like she did with my older siblings. You know, she used to call my brother (or at least second one) and talked to him quite a lot in the phone.... (Almost everyday maybe, and quite a while too - though sometimes just a quick call to see what he was doing). Anw, she never really talked to me so long in the phone and to talked bout lots of stuffs like she did with my bro. Well, sometimes, but not as frequent - I think. With me, she kinda let me loose... Lol....

I don't know.. I love it... Though sometimes I envy my brother... But I love that freedom. Hahaha... Maybe I'm being too 'free'? Lol.

Oh yeah, she said I'm not close to her... Apparently my brothers kinda 'report' to her and I never tell her anything. She said...

Well, she didn't ask... Lol...

I thought we're just fine the way we are. But apparently I'm not that close hey?

Thinking back, maybe it's because everytime I tried to tell her stuffs, she never really listen to me, or she responded in a way that doesn't really accomodate my needs, or it back fired to me. So, I got tired trying to tell her and since she never really asked, that's fine by me too.... And I learnt to keep stuffs for myself. Or just to talk it out with some friends instead... Or maybe my brother.

But I thought I talked to her more lately???

I guess not....

Lol...

Ahhh.. Anyway... The point is... Lately I realized that although my family's kinda strange and weird and harsh, they're really kind people.. Lol. (What kinda of realization is this? Lol...)

Oh yeah, dad... One day I was driving with my dad. And he commented bout my friend and I didn't like it. So I told him "hush... stop. Jgn ngmg sembarangan!" with kinda a loud voice. Then I shut myself (afterall, it's not polite to shout to your parents no?) And then after a while, he said something along the line of "papa orangnya emang kasar, dari dulu ngomongnya kasar. Soalnya udah biasa. Mau rubah juga susah. Tapi sebenernya bae" (hahaha.. gw jd senyum2 dengernya.. nih org muji diri sendiri.. Lol!). And I said "iya tau". And he continued, "jadi kalo papa ngomongnya sembarangan kadang papa ga sadar. Soalnya udah biasa". And I said, "ya pelan2 lah. Memang susah." then he said, "iya, jadi ya kalo emang ngomongnya sembarangan harus dikasih tau. Jadi papa bisa inget dan berenti ngomong"

!!!!!

That's improvement!!!! Lol... I still remembered one scene where he trully mencela this one employee.... The choice of words that he used were trully top notch... Even I was really feeling apologetic towards the girl. And I had to tell him to stop and he'd still defend himself and doesn't really get it until I explained to him (then he'd just being silent). Well, then afterwards he kinda changed his way of talking and tone... So...

Now, he's saying it himself without me having to elaborate and explain "long and wide". Lol...

So, yeah... I guess I kinda got to know my family better.... Hahaha... Lalalala...
(I don't know whether all the revelation's good or bad... Like the one I finally understood why I was so 'free' it was because - quoting my mom here - she doesn't care for me as much... Lalalalala...) Well, I think her bestest child would be my 2nd bro... She's closest to him afterall... And rely on him a lot. Even my dad too. My only best point in being their child is because I'm a girl. Lol. Who's quite flexible and just alright with whatever they say (I'm a good girl, no? Lol...) -- Kinda changing lately though.... So I guess my best point is only because I'm a girl.. (Yay.. Thank God for making me a girl. Lol.)

Oh well... I love my family nevertheless. Even though they're weird. And unique... Antik... Hahahaha... Lalalalala.... (Jarang2 gw bisa ngmg gini. Liat bsk kalo dah ketemu nyokap/bokap n dengerin celotehannya mrk... Dijadiin maenan koko gw. Plus dijadiin 'asisten serba guna' and 'supir'. Puas deh gw. Hahahaha...)